Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
