Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
