i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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