youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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