The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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