he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He did a backflip because drugs
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize