She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
