Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
