In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
