Cold hands, warm shart.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
