i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
