omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
