This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize