So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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