It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
