I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
