Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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