After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
