NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
