My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
