it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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