hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
