I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
