You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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