Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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