I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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