im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
