Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
