she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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