I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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