I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
