i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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