he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
