remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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