just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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