I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
