I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
