I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
