you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
