so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
