I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
