why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
