I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
