I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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