I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
