I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
