Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
