omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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