Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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