and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize