I wish I could punch you in the face.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
