the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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