For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
