Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
