Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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