I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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