I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
