it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
did i just pee glitter
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
