He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
