Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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