Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
