her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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