piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
