Swine flu is the new snow day.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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