I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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