her vagine was all disorganized.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
