well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
