i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize